He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
