It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
