someone threw a dead crab at me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
