Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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