We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
