You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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