Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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