I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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