thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
