Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
