So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
