Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
