i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
