he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are my feet made of real feet?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
