I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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