I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
