There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
