he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
