Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cockslap morals
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
