i just had sex bonerless
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
