It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
