She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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