My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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