You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
