i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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