His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
