just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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