i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
