Where is the hickey?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
