I'm lost and stupid without you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
