i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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