i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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