you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
