Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
