The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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