I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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