i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
