Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
