You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
