is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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