I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
