My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
