and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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