Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
