How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
