now i know why i became what i already was.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
