He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
