I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i out mim tonsoeep
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
