nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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