you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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