Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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