is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
