never play flip cup with pint glasses
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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